Go Bears!

I get really emotional when I think about Parkers flag football team and how supportive they have been to our family. Hudson was supposed to be on the team with Parker in the spring season but things obviously changed after Leukemia. Before he was diagnosed, he use to come to all of the practices with me and he would watch, play on the playground and ride his scooter or bike around the park. About a week or two before we found out about his cancer, he sat and watched Parker play very intently on the sidelines. Coach Germaine asked him if he wanted to join them doing some drills during practice. Hudson gladly stood up and struggled to run out onto the field. At that time, we didn't know what was wrong but it was obvious that it was a struggle for him to run. He wouldn't complain or say that it hurt. But you could tell by the way he ran so awkwardly that something was wrong. We thought it was just plantar fasciitis or something. I remember coach telling him he should probably sit down and rest when he noticed him struggling. I set him down on a cement block next to the field, but apparently set him down too hard. It literally took his breath away-- almost as if the air had been knocked out of him. It was very apparent that he hurt. Now looking back, it's like "Duh!" Leukemia is in the bones so his body just ached and hurt. I can't even comprehend the pain he was feeling. 

Anyway, Parkers team gave Hudson his own jersey with his name on the back of it. They went with a super hero theme and had all of the boys wear super hero socks to the games to support Hudson, who was our Super Hero and was "Strong as Steele." Hudson loved going to Parkers games in his jersey and watching and feeling like a part of the team, even though he couldn't play. It meant so much to us that they were so thoughtful, kind and encouraging to our family.

 Parker loved game day and his favorite part was running through the tunnel at the end of the game while we all clapped and cheered for all of them. 

Go Bears!

Funniest Kid I know

I wish I could figure out how to upload videos on here because there was the most hilarious video he made for his friend Nolan where he forced himself to toot loud and his laugh was priceless. This kid is the funniest kid I know! I love his chubby cheeks and dimples!

Finding Balance...

Hudson was excited to get out of the house and go watch Everett at his swim lessons. His counts were high enough for him to go somewhere finally!

 Aunt Kristie brought him a Jersey Mikes sub sandwich when she heard he was craving it for lunch. He scared down his and half of hers. ha ha!

 Hudson loved going over to play with Gunnar at his house. Meredith was so awesome and had him and Everett over on a weekly basis so they could get out of the house and play since we couldn't take him many places at all. It made their week and was such a relief to me. She has a huge heart and is always doing anything she can to lighten my burden and help out. When Hudson went to play, she would have all kinds of fun art projects and activities for them to do. She's so awesome! Gunnar has a big heart and is always so sweet and compassionate to Hudson. He always prays for Hudson that he can walk again. It took Hudson a couple of months and lots of therapy. But when he finally started walking, he walked into Gunnars front door with the proudest smile on his face and said "Gunnar! You don't have to pray I can walk anymore!" Gunnar replied very excitedly "Okay! I will pray you can run now!" It was the sweetest. Tanner and Meredith told us that he prayed every night for months that Hudson can run and do "jacking jumps" (jumping jacks). So sweet!

Trying to find balance with all three kids has been really challenging to say the least. I am so grateful that kids are resilient and will hopefully forget about the hard times when mommy wasn't there for them like I normally am. It truly takes a village. I'm so grateful for all of our family and friends who did anything they could to help our family. Wouldn't have been able to do it without help.

Glorious

This was the sweetest moment when Hudson sang along to Glorious. He has always loved music and I really feel like it is therapeutic in so many ways. He was feeling really crumby on steroids and going through so many changes that first month. Music (and food) were the only things that brought him joy. I cry every time I watch this video. He's such a sweet boy.

Building Our Dream Home

Steve and I decided to build a home back in January of 2015. We already had the land for about 7 months and decided to get started with Mike's company. It was really exciting to design our floor plan and pick everything out. I never thought I would have the opportunity to build a custom home at the age of 30 and it was truly a dream come true. It took a lot longer to get started than we anticipated due to getting permits for different things being on county land. But we finally broke ground in December of 2015! 

This picture was taken in December of 2015.

 Now, fast forward to May 2016 and here is the progress happening...

A lot of people asked us how in the world we built a home in the middle of dealing with Hudson's cancer. At first, I didn't even care anymore to be quite honest. I didn't care about anything but getting Hudson healthy again. But once we got into our new groove, we started getting involved again in the building process. It really kept us busy and was a nice distraction from all of the hardship and sadness we faced. As crazy and busy as it was, it was a major blessing. I am a creative being and I think if I didn't have something major to create during that time, I would have gone into a deep, dark and lonely depression. Building this home was truly a labor of love and hope for a brighter future ahead of us.

More updates to come on this... I will get caught up one day on this old blog. :)

Head Shaving Party

Well, Hudson's hair was shedding worse than a dog so we knew it was time to shave it off... mainly for sanitary reasons. I wasn't really ready for it, but I knew it had to happen. I told him that we wouldn't do it until he was ready and we would make a party out of it and I would shave his uncles hair and cousin Gunnar's too. He didn't want to at first (which I was kind of glad) but then quickly changed his mind and said "Okay-- I want to do it today!" So we called all of our family and made a party out of it. It meant to much that they were all such great sports and showed their love and support that way! It truly meant the world to us!

Parker's strength and Hudson's changing look

I always worried about Parker with everything going on with Hudson. I didn't want him to feel like he wasn't important or special because of all the attention Hudson was getting from everyone. I read him a book for siblings of chronicely ill children and it really helped him understand his feelings and emotions with what was happening. I felt so much guilt when I had to be away and dedicating most of my energy towards Hudson and his needs and Everett usually took up the rest being so young and demanding of my attention. But Parker amazed me with his strength and ability to cope and be happy and was such a helper. It made him sad to see his brother and best bud having such a hard time and not wanting anything to do with him really while he went through his first month of treatment. I am so grateful for Parker and for his sweet and tender spirit. He really fits the "oldest child" mold. So responsible and on top of things. I am sure a lucky mama to have him.

The only word that comes to mind when I see these pictures of Hudson is: Uncomfortable. The poor guy was just plain uncomfortable in his own skin as he dealt with the awful side effects of heavy doses of chemotherapy and steroids. 

See what I mean when food was the only thing that brought him joy most of the time? Oh, and baby Porter always brought a smile to his face! He loved being able to feed Porter his bottle when he was feeling up to it.

Cravings and thick hair

     Hudson's cravings were kicking in-- full effect! All he cared about was food. I couldn't bribe him with toys or movies-- he only thought about food (obsessed about it really.) It was the craziest thing to watch. I've never seen the kid throw down so much food in his life but telling him no was seriously not an option because it was the only thing that brought him joy and satisfaction during that super crappy time. So we pretty much gave into every craving ranging from grilled fish and veggies to cheese balls to hamburgers to ice cream sandwiches... you name it. He wanted it!

 We brought him to Parkers flag football practice because he really wanted to come watch. He had to wear a mask because we worried about him catching anything. I was so attached to his dark, thick, luscious beach waves. I took this picture because I couldn't believe he still had this much hair a month into it! but literally the next day, it started shedding like crazy. It wasn't falling out in chunks per say, but it was all over his pillow case and even getting in his food. So we knew it wouldn't be long before it all came out.

Easter with the Larsens 2016

We enjoyed being with all of the Larsen's for Easter Sunday. Although Hudson wasn't feeling too great that day and his steroids were definitely kicking in full force, we still had fun being with family again. The kids loved finding eggs at the annual easter egg hunt. 

 That's a lot of cousins right there! Getting a group shot of them is no easy task, but entertaining to see all of us jumping up and down and yelling "Say cheeeeeeese!!" 

Poor Hudson was a good sport in this pic. I don't know what Steve was laughing at, but it looks like it was something funny. Oh how laughter is so healing for the soul.