Monday, September 29, 2014

A change in perspective

      This is a hard post to write. I have so many emotions going through this crazy head of mine ranging from overjoyed with love, exhausted, frustrated, humbled and grateful. I have been feeling sorry for myself lately due to a demanding 6 month old that still wakes many times in the night and a challenging 3 year old who is extremely fun but when he's mad-- it's very hard to change his mood. I have found myself yelling a lot lately and getting upset with the older boys all the time. I get mad over the most trivial little things that really aren't that big of a deal. I have been praying for the Lord to help me be a better mom and to help control my temper. Then I got a call from my mom early this morning. I knew it wasn't going to be good news because of the hour she was calling at. She told me that a boy that grew up in our church, who's mom was one of my favorite Young Women's leaders, had committed suicide last night. He was a senior in high school and had his whole life ahead of him. I sobbed on the phone and couldn't imagine the pain and heartache his family must be feeling right now. When my kids woke up at 6:00am, my usual self would wake up annoyed and upset that they were up so early. But I held and hugged them both very tightly and told them both how much I loved them. We had family scripture study (which was only a few verses) but Parker read them and it really set the tone for having a more peaceful morning together. I want to cherish this time in my life when my kids are young because I know that they are going to grow up in a flash and I will wish I could have done things different and enjoyed this time more. I am going to focus on showing my family unconditional love and showing gratitude as much as possible. Life really is so precious and we never know when our last day on earth could be. Here's to living life to its fullest. I'm so grateful to our loving God who gave me the gift of being a mother to these precious little spirits. My trials have definitely been put into perspective today. My heart truly aches for the Edwards family. I hope and pray that they may find peace and comfort during this terrible, tragic time and know that they have many people who love and care about them. 

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